Wrote for a friend who asked: "Can men and women be friends?"
Ill keep it short, i wanted to write a long thing, but i have been sick all weekend
Can MEN and WOMEN be friends? No.
But HUMANS can be friends with HUMANS.
My theory is based on the idea that we all have parts of us that are Male, Female, and Human. What makes a man? What makes a woman? I think fashion is a great way to simply break down these certain roles that seem to permeate within every society in the world
The picture I have included is a rapper, Lil B, that dresses freely. Now, many people in the youtube comments were saying he is gay or dressing like a girl. Well, what does that mean? And what is the inherent fear in that behaviour?
Men: Protectors. Reason. Secure. Safe. Strong. Dominant. Gives Sperm. Polygamous. Builds Value. Emotionless.
Human: Eats 3 times a day. Likes to socialize. Listens to Music. Uses the Bathroom.
Women: Soft. Insecure. Waiting. Inherently Valuable. Receives Sperm. Makes a Nest. Monogamous. Emotional.
So, why is Lil B called gay for wearing this?
The divide in Men and Womens fashion is mainly focused on the inward (w) vs. the outward (m). Womens fashion directs the eye to the body, the lashes, the hair. It also symbolizes relaxation. A women who looks comfortable and confident is assumed to have found a man that can pay for her to live in luxury and for her ease in raising children. So, women wear dresses, heels, have long flowy hair, like their skin to be light. All of these things symbolize a person who can afford to live relaxed, not working, who is inherently valuable enough for someone else to pay for their lifestyle.
Lil B is wearing an oversized hat and a shirt that is see through, demonstrating his figure. His earrings draw attention to his face and jaw line.
What is Lil B supposed to wear? He is supposed to wear clothes that are only functional. A tight fitting hat, a suit that only serves to clothe. But also, his clothes should serve to outwardly demonstrate the value he has acquired through hard work. So, the fashion labels on the clothes should be visible, his watch should shine, and his face should be clean shaven, showing he has a high position in society.
As a man, he has to outwardly demonstrate he has done things in the world to acquire value.
As a woman, she has to show she is inherently valuable and can afford not to work/be distressed.
Now, that only served to define men and women. I hope this makes sense so far, I'd love to skype with you one day to discuss this from your perspective.
Now as far as men as MEN and women as WOMEN being friends, this does not work. What the man seeks to do is to be a provider and a backbone for the women to be safe to raise children, the woman needs the safety to raise her children to be productive members of society. The statistics on fatherless children resoundingly prove this.
A purely male and female relationship is simply a transaction of characteristics. The man wants the validation of value from being able to attract women, and the woman wants the security. Relationships boil down to Validation, both ways. Am I pretty? Do you feel safe around me? Do I make you happy? I just want to be there for you?
When do these questions appear in a friendship? Pure friendship is HUMAN to HUMAN.
Friendship is about understanding. Relationships are based on use.
Iv'e talked with Carol about that alittle, she seems to see my point alitte, (so I'm not crazy )
Friendship enables men do act vulnerable, insecure and simply able to ask questions and be honest. Friendship enables women to admit that their legs grow hair, that they like playing basketball. Human things. Honesty on both sides.
Relationships consist of proving value and validating others, this leads to much covering up of insecurities and inpurities on both sides. Lies lies lies.
The good news is, I think all of us has some man, human, and woman in us. Biologically, no, but we can empathize and experience how the other gender feels. And almost all of us are human to some extent with our significant others.
I think a nice example is btw me and you and Mattias. You would tell me you could have deep conversations about things with me. Whereas with Mattias there would be an answer. Mattias was being a man, secure. I was being a Human, unsure and insecure.
Even when I find a woman attractive, I don't really bother engaging in philosophical thoughts, I make myself a tool. "Here is my worth pretty lady". It isn't friendship, it is acting in a way to receive something in return.
Maybe this makes sense, maybe I'm just sexist, lol.
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