I realized that when I had lunch with a friend (we're all friends, so it could have been a stranger for all you know) and I was so excited to try to explain all of my design ideas and how I think the world works and stuff. But what kept happening was astonishing. I would start a sentence with a big idea in mind that needed to be explained, and then I would have a quick argument in my head and it would change the second half of the sentence into a completely different direction. Then, I couldn't remember my original sentiment. Petty frustrating, and confusing for my friend.
I like who I am. I am excited for me. I got stood up on a date yesterday. It was exhilarating. Lol, I wasn't really mad about it. I was kinda inspired by Fatima to try and meet someone. And I was proud of myself for setting up and preparing for a date with someone I didn't know at all, usually I have to be in a class or on a team with someone for like 1,000,000 days before I try to make a move. I was so excited to see how the design for my date would play out, but alas no luck. It was fun to imagine though. I think I will not do that again soon though, it seems like I would say this out of fear of rejection, but I really didn't want to date the person, I just wanted to see if I could try. And I guess I don't feel ok messing with someone like that. But you never know right? Love is gay. And by gay I mean hard to understand and hotly debated.
So, if anything falls in my yard, I'll bark at it, but until then, I'll keep building my ship, so much left to build. (Muhammad metaphor credit). But I'm excited, invigorated. I think I got my mojo back. Almost like when I was a senior in high school. I thought everything was going to work out because I was me. Now, I think the same thing but in a much more existential, abstract, purist, stupid, way.
List of things:
Are pedophiles and gay people have similar sexual dysfunction?
Is that bigoted to say?
Is this new wave of ultra liberalism just as censoring as what it's trying to overcome?
Should Donald Sterling have been canned?
What would happen if every single person was given a free house?
We have the materials
Money wasn't the goal, money doesn't really even exist, we can get past it
Can I use music as a microcosm of how society functions?
Can I learn everything that happened between 1950 and 1990? No? Well, I'd really love to.
Can I figure out where emotions come from?
Why do I have such an aversion to reading other peoples theories? I am cocky in that regard.
Endnote - Lol at this whole blog post.
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