Friend

I feel, I feel crappy. Aside from being a court dodging, crappy car driving, illegal telephone salesman, I am bad friend.

And it's not that I feel like I am a bad friend, it's just I cannot naturally reciprocate the kindness that people give me. I still am perplexed as to why people are nice to me. I ask myself this every time someone asks if I want to hang out. And it may seem that I have a low self esteem or something from that statement, but that's not true. I guess I just have issues with trusting the sincerity of an invitation, or kindness being thrown my way. So, what happens is the ratio of kindness me:them is 1:2, at least. I'm not talking about anyone in particular, it just comes up when I go to Atlanta because people want to see me and hang out for some reason. I consider myself a bore to others. I love myself, and think I am great, but I never give myself credit for being a bright spot for someone else.

Oh geez, it's probably a vulnerable thing. I don't let myself feed into thinking that people genuinely like my company as a safeguard to when they tell me they don't. Hasheem man, that's not cool. Believe you are a valuable friend, and you will become an even better friend. Because you are already a nice person to be around.

Your Pal,
Citizen Sheem


Endnote - yea, I am nutty, ended up being an encouragement letter to myself