Coin

I keep having out of body experiences when I look in the mirror. The image in my head is increasingly not what I see staring back at me. It's not that I don't like what I see, it is that I want the world to see something else. My face is too round, I wish it was chiseled, my hair looks like I am 12 I don't know what a comb is. But I find solace in my jaw line and my chin hair stubble. Then I look from side to side and find my best angle and settle on that as good enough. 

 I wish I could stop thinking about myself as black. I preach colorless ness and I really try to escape it but in the back of my mind I think the person I am talking to is thinking 'he's black AND smart' or 'hmmmm, I didn't know black people could be so mild mannered'. It's garbage, I know it's garbage, we are all one people, one universe experiencing itself (shout out to Muhammad for sharing that idea). Our color is so impure, there are so many races in all of our bloodlines, yet we cling to these identities that have been dictated to us. 

Endnote- just overall have been feeling like I'm falling short of my own expectation.