Russia 1

Finally got to Russia after staying a day in JFK. I got a hotel room after missing my flight due to weather. I'm supposed to be reimbursed for the room, we'll see. The flight was ok, it was about 9 hours from NYC to Moscow. They had much of the same amenities as the china flight. They had Kesha's album!! I feel bad about not knowing a single word of Russian. Having to say yes and thank you in English seems rude for some reason. I felt like the flight attendants hated me, lol. For some reason I was in first class and was treated very well, too well. Should have seen me eat! So uncivil and fast. Now I have stains on my hoodie and pants. That's just how I do, lol.

I watched a movie on the plane in Russian called 8 first dates. It was such a movie! So cliche. I've been thinking about how much I used to envy people from other countries, like how awesome it is that their world is completely different from mine, and that is their normal. But now, I don't really care for it. The same core desires exist in everyone, it is just our life story that molds our circle of importances based on top of the core desires. Everybody is just trying to survive, in more than just a physical living condition. So many people's goals in life are tied to becoming immortal. Athletes want to be remember as a legend, humanitarians want to start movements that will have an effect decades from now, some religious people are just hiding their time so they can be immortal after they die. I don't know how I feel about this anymore. I used to want to be the architect that sparks a new movement and is deemed necessary for the progression of the profession. Now, I feel like if you are not purposely doing anything you do for personal satisfaction you should not be doing it. But I feel at the end of the day we all do things that placate our soul, and if not we will feel constantly oppressed.
That is why I cannot hate anyone. I just look at everyone and wonder what their circle is. Why they are. There are millions and millions of inputs going into this persons actions that they don't even fully comprehend, who am I do scoff at them and deem them stupid? Everyone is perfect, the universe wouldn't have it any other way.

I have been trying to feel out what my accident makes me think about God. I wish I could say I felt a presence looking after me. I felt quite the opposite. I realized how nothing is saving you from death. I felt how thin life is. That is the only word that sounds right to me. The only resolution I made from the crash is that I would respect sleep more. For some reason I want to feel more of a change in direction. Maybe I wish this crash brought me back to religion. I won't sit here and pretend that I am happier without Islam. But I feel much more clear of mind. Islam was so comforting, I had a clear purpose, and clear consequences. I miss that dearly, but at the same time carving out my own purpose is much more fulfilling to me.

Endnote- Anyway, just rambling, have a 12 hour layover in Moscow before going to Kazan. Salaam!